Words Matter - Especially to Our Dogs
Paws for Thought Canine and Equine Coach 
The words we use in dog training shape how we see our dogs and how they see us.
Why Words Matter: Rethinking the Language of Dog Training
Words carry weight, meaning and intention. They don’t just describe our actions they shape them. In the world of animal training and behaviour, the words we choose can deeply influence how we see our dogs, how we treat them, and how they feel about learning with us.
For decades, dog (and horse!) training has been steeped in the language of control: command, obedience, discipline. These words are so ingrained in our culture that we rarely pause to question them. But if we want to build relationships based on trust, cooperation, and understanding, it’s time to take a closer look at the language we use and what it really means.
A Bit of History: Where “Command” and “Obedience” Came From
The roots of these words stretch back to the early 20th century, when formal dog training became a professional field largely because of military needs. During the World Wars, dogs played vital roles as messengers, guards, and search-and-rescue workers. Training methods had to be fast, reliable, and effective under extreme conditions.
To meet that demand, military trainers used strict, hierarchical techniques modelled after their own systems of rank and discipline. The language mirrored that mindset: handlers commanded, and dogs obeyed.
Later, this approach spilled over into civilian life, bolstered by the now-debunked “dominance theory.” This theory suggested that dogs were constantly vying for control of the household and that humans needed to assert themselves as the “alpha” to maintain order. It painted our relationships with dogs as power struggles and the words we used reinforced that.
How Language Shapes Our Mindset
When we talk about commands and obedience, we frame training as a one-way street….. the human gives an order, and the dog must comply.
But what happens when the dog doesn’t “obey” a comman? In that old framework, noncompliance was labelled as disobedience, often leading to correction or punishment. The dog learned to respond not out of joy or understanding, but to avoid something unpleasant.
Even the word obedience carries a subtle undertone of submission the idea that the dog must yield to the will of the human. It leaves little room for cooperation or emotional connection.
This kind of language doesn’t just affect how we train; it shapes how we see our dogs. Instead of viewing them as intelligent, feeling companions capable of choice and learning, we risk seeing them as subordinates who need control.
A Kinder Vocabulary for a Kinder World
Thankfully, modern dog training has evolved, although there is still some way to go and you will still see the remnants of the old ways. We now know that dogs learn best through positive reinforcement through kindness, patience, and clear communication. An approach focuses on helping dogs learn safely, make choices, have agency rather than punishing them for getting it wrong.
And just as our methods have evolved, so too should our words.
Instead of command, many trainers could use the word cue or signal. A cue isn’t a demand it’s an invitation. It offers the dog a conversation.
Instead of obedience, we could talk about learning or life skills. These words frame as something cooperative, a partnership and a practical way to help our dogs navigate our strange human world comfortably, confidently and safely.
And instead of ordering our dogs around, we ask or request. It’s a small shift in language, but a powerful intention, It reflects mutual respect, partnership, and understanding the very things that make our bond with dogs so special.
Why It Matters
Some might argue that these are just words, that dogs don’t care what we call things. But language influences how we think, feel and consequently behave or act. When we soften our words, we soften our mindset. We start to see our dogs not as beings to control, but as companions to guide and nurture.
Changing the words we use is one of the simplest yet most meaningful ways to shift toward a more compassionate approach. It reminds us that training isn’t about control; it’s about communication. It’s about building trust, safety, agency, celebrating progress, and learning together.
The Takeaway
Words matter because relationships matter. When we replace commands with cues, and obedience with partnership, we aren’t just changing vocabulary we’re changing perspective. That is powerful.
Our dogs are not soldiers under our command. They are friends, family, and fellow learners who thrive when we treat them with kindness and respect.
When we start speaking to them and about them in ways that honour that bond, we create a world where learning is joyful, connection is deep, and love is mutual.